Category Archives: Hilda Lourens

THANK YOU HELDERBERG

Thank you to the kind and generous people of the Helderberg!

Last week many people in our community responded to an online appeal via our CEO Hilda Lourens and Ukukhanya for household goods to assist a woman in need.  She had just escaped an abusive relationship with her children and almost nothing else.

You responded quickly and generously and enabled this member of our community to find her feet and start a new life.  Please see below her letter of thanks.  Those of you who were able to donate we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.  You have made a huge and positive difference to this family.  Please see the letter below from the woman who received your kindness:

Thank you

How to build a healthy and long lasting relationship with your teenager

Many times I get the question how do I build a relationship with my teenager? The answer is not an easy one as it starts the day your baby is born. The day your baby lies in your arms for the first time you need to start building on that relationship for the day he/she becomes a teenager.

Continue reading

Hilda and Gerda

Back to School and back to reality

Today is the day that most of us are rudely woken up from our holiday slumber to discover that there is a lot to get done before school starts again on Wednesday. Its time to reorganise and kick ourselves in to gear for the new year ahead. Its no different for the team at Ukukhanya.  Not only are we still dealing with the aftermath of the flooding last year, but we are also looking forward and planning 2014. Continue reading

Boundaries

Setting Boundaries

Everywhere we look there are boundaries. We have them around our homes (fences), our workplace (policies and rules) the road (traffic act) and we need to keep to this otherwise there could be consequences for us. Why then is it so difficult to have boundaries in our relationships.

Between two partners there need to be certain boundaries. One such a boundary between me and my husband is that we need to inform each other if we are going to be late returning home from somewhere else. This is for safety reasons. As you could see, boundaries should be reasonable and also have got good solid reasons which both partners are happy with. Some of these boundaries can be no shouting, no swearing, no physical harm etc. In severe cases it may even be no contact. Sometimes it is difficult for two people to agree to some of these boundaries and then they need the help of the court in setting these boundaries by taking out a Protection Order against their partner.  By taking out a protection order it will most likely mean that one of the parties would not be happy with this protection order and the conditions contained in this. That is why it is so important to set these boundaries early in the relationship even before it becomes a problem.

With our kids we also need to set boundaries from birth. Do not think you will set these boundaries when they are older and understand better. No by that time it should be part of their and your life. Be firm in setting these boundaries and do not move them around because that will cause unnecessary problems in your relationships. You cannot expect a 4year old for instance to understand why mommy/daddy allows him to have a cool drink with his meals the one day and the next he is not allowed to have any. You have got to put the rules down and then stick to it yourself. You cannot tell a 4 year old not to have something to drink with a meal and then do the exact thing you do not want him to do..

By setting down boundaries in a child’s life they will be so much better in putting boundaries down in their own life when needed. It can stop so much unnessacary heartache for them and you as the parent.

If I expect my husband to let me know he is going to be late I have to do the same when I am going to be late. Boundaries/rules are there for both parties. This will stop unnecessary heartache and disagreements later in your life.

Remember boundaries should always be reasonable and have solid reasons and be acceptable to both parties.

Hilda Lourens, CEO, Ukukhanya