Category Archives: Abuse

Children left in locked in cars

What to do if you see children locked and left alone in a car?

Last week we once again heard of children left in a vehicle in the summer heat. As parents we sometimes do not realise how dangerous this can be. Sometimes we think it will be just a quick, at most 5 minutes, time to pick up or drop off something. This quick 5 minutes can change into a much longer time without us realising how long it has become. In this time so much can go wrong.This can also be classified as child abuse.


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When healthy exploration gets out of hand

Sad WomanAs a child I was raised fairly protected. I am the youngest of four children of which one is a very caring and protective brother. Although we grew up with a brother, us girls were never allowed to see him naked and he wasn’t allowed to see us. I know that this might not be the case for all children, but I am thankful to my parents for setting those rules. It taught me respect for my brother and more importantly, respect for myself. I knew that certain parts of the body were sacred and wasn’t to be exposed to any boy’s eyes. It kept a kind of innocence in me that I wish upon every child. That ended when I was 6 years old.

A family friend of my parents came to visit us over the Christmas holiday and she brought her two sons along with her. They were raised in a different culture to ours. They got to shower along with their mother. Sexual boundaries weren’t put in place and there were sure consequences. One evening I went to my mother’s Ai??en suite bathroom that was hidden behind closet doors without a lock. It was late, I was tired and I didn’t think I needed to be on my guard. By the time I was already seated on the toilet, the youngest of the two boys came into the bathroom, forcefully pushed me to the back of the toilet, and started groping me. I didn’t know what hit me. I was too young to understand. All I knew was what he did was wrong. Instead of feeling used and victimized, I felt guilty so I kept it a secret in my heart for years. I knew that if I spoke up about it, I would be blamed since I was one year older than him and it happened in my parents’ home.Ai??

As an adult I still carry scars from that seemingly innocent experience. I have once endeavored to open up my heart to a boyfriend and tell him of my experience. He laughed and said: “Show me yours and I’ll show you mine. That’s cute. Ai??All kids do that and it’s totally normal. All children want it explore. It’s healthy.” I thought to myself: Really?! One of the most painful experiences of my life is deemed normal? Do you mean to tell me that everybody truly goes through this as a child? I knew this wasn’t true, but his comment made me feel like opening up to anyone else about this would only leave me more hurt and confused. So I shut myself up and threw away the keys.Ai??

My question to you is this: when is abuse abuse? Where does one draw the line between ‘healthy exploration’ and sexual violation. I didn’t want to be explored. I didn’t want to be touched. Why is then that I feel to blame. Why do I feel like the fool who failed to recognize that this behaviour towards me is normal and that everyone goes through it?Ai??

If there’s one thing that I want to shout from mountain tops it’s this: one can NEVER be too guarded when it comes to ones children. If you allow your kids to sleep over at their friends’ houses, you have to keep into consideration that their culture might be very different from yours. Your children could very possibly be exposed to things that you don’t want them to be exposed to, and they might never have the courage to tell you. Do you allow your daughters to sit on men’s laps. Has it ever occurred to you that there are pedophiles out there who can take advantage of your innocent children and you might never know about it? Do you allow your children’s cousins of the opposite sex to see your children naked. Do you allow your girls and boys to bath together, get dressed together and play naked together? You might be doing your children a bigger disservice than you can ever imagine. We are living in an age where 2nd graders are being raped. Little boys are exposed to pornography and nothing is left sacred anymore. The rape statistic in our country is high as it is, but consider that the majority of people who get raped never tell a soul, because they feel that they are to blame. That little boy, who forever changed the way I see myself, was taught by his mother that what he did was okay. So tell me: what happens when this little innocent boy gets older and starts developing? That is most likely the teenager who will rape a girl in the school dressing room, because he was taught that sexual violence against minors is acceptable. If you want to change the way our society sees sex, then you need to start in your own family. What are you exposing your children to? What are you allowing? You have more power in this than you think. It’s never too late to change the sexual culture in your family. We can change the way society sees sex, one family at a time. “

Disclaimer: this is a truthful narrative of my own experience and individual opinions. It is not a reflection of Ukankhanya’s views or opinions in any way.

More Information:

Educating Children about their bodies.

Signs of abuse in children.

Child Death Statistics South Africa

Child Death Statistics South Africa

The Children’s Institute from the University of Cape Town in their briefing paper on Child Death Reviews gave some statistics that areAi??rather shocking.

Did you know that the first South African National homicide study established that 1018 children died due to homicide in 2009 at a rate of 5.5 per 100 000 children under the age of 18 years. Ai??Globally the rate was 2.4 per 100 000 children.

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Thank you to the kind and generous people of the Helderberg!

Last week many people in our community responded to an online appeal via our CEO Hilda Lourens and Ukukhanya for household goods to assist a woman in need. Ai??She had just escaped an abusive relationship with her children and almost nothing else.

You responded quickly and generously and enabled this member of our community to find her feet and start a new life. Ai??Please see below her letter of thanks. Ai??Those of you who were able to donate we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Ai??You have made a huge and positive difference to this family. Ai??Please see the letter below from the woman who received your kindness:

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Child Body Safety – Educating Children About Their Bodies


This is an article that has been copied from a website called TheMammaBearEffectAi??please click on this link to read the article in its original format, and with pictures.

Ukukhanya seeks to prevent abuse in all forms, but does not specifically work with sexual abuse, if you suspect a child of being sexually abused please contact PATCH:Ai??0218526110 Ai??If you suspect an adult (over 18y) is being sexually abused contact RAPE CRISIS:Ai??0218525620

Below you will find age-by-age suggestions for educating children about their bodies & child body safety, and empowering them with techniques to deter the threat of sexual abuse.

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Indicators Of Child Sexual Abuse

Indicators Of Child Sexual Abuse

This information has been taken from a USA Government website, please click here to read the article in its original format. Ai??


Educating your children is the first step in preventing sexual abuse in children, read about this here.

Sexual abuse may result in physical or behavioral manifestations. It is important that professionals and the public know what these are because they signal possible sexual abuse. However, very few manifestations (e.g., gonorrhea of the throat in a young child) are conclusive of sexual abuse. Most manifestations require careful investigation or assessment.

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Child abuse No. 38 of 2005: Children’s Act, 2005

Child abuse:- No. 38 of 2005: Children’s Act, 2005

The definition as contained in the Children’s Act is as follows:-

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SEXUAL OFFENCES AGAINST CHILDREN IN TERMS OF THE No. 32 of 2007: Criminal Law (Sexual Offences and Related Matters) Amendment Act

Ukukhanya does not deal with Sexual Abuse. Ai??Sexual Abuse of an adult is dealt with by Rape Crisis Helderberg (Tel: 0218525620)Ai??and Sexual Abuse of a Child is dealt with by PATCH (Tel:Ai??0218526110)

The below is an extract of the Sexual Offenses and Related Matters Act that defines sexual abuse under South African law. Continue reading

Reporting Child Abuse

Reporting Child Abuse

This post is specifically written for teachers and other educators so that they know how to go about reporting suspected child abuse. Child abuse can manifest in many ways and it is important we all understand that many types of situations can constitute abuse – starvation, malnutrition, violence, living with domestic violence or alcoholic parent/s, physical abuse (both sexual and non-sexual), discrimination, bullyingai??i?? if in doubt please contact Ukukhanya and we will gladly talk to you about what to do and how to go about it.

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Ukukhanya – Signs of Trauma in Children

Signs of Trauma in Children

Are you concerned that your child is reacting to trauma in some way? Ai??Here is a list of some of the typical reactions of children exposed to stress and trauma. Ai??Ukukhanya offers free counselling and play therapy to children, and parents, to assist with overcoming trauma. Ai??You can find Ukukhanya in Michaels Arcade in Somerset West, 021 850 0061.

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